womens health

Comparison stole my Joy

I can’t change the past and the choices I made, or the thoughts that I had about myself, but I can embrace the joy that has been with me all along. Somewhere along the way I decided that I wasn’t […]

womens health

Where have I been?

There are people who are waiting for me to be a part of their journey, and when I meet them they are going to welcome me with open arms and say, ‘Where have you been?!’ I felt unattractive and unwanted […]

womens health

I am ‘still’ me

Last week my daughter came to live with me. After almost 2 years of living in Southern California alone, I am no longer alone. She is the last piece in the first part of my journey. Her coming here marks […]

womens health

A Leap of Faith

If you had asked me on that day two years ago when I boarded the plane alone for a one way trip from Portland to LAX in hysterics if I thought my daughter would move here, I would have hoped […]

womens health

I am not Selfish

It is not selfish for me to do the things that feel aligned with my true self. This is who I am, and I can’t be anyone else without faking it. I am sitting on my bed looking out my […]

womens health

My Daughter Arrives

Now my daughter joins my journey in Southern California and starts her own. I am so excited to see what this next chapter of both our lives will look like. But as long as we can lay in the sun […]

womens health

My Purpose

I was never meant to have the perfect childhood, and I wasn’t meant to hide in my marriage. I was meant to write and tell the story of my family who hid their whole lives, and died with their secrets. […]

womens health

Coming out of Hiding

I am healing myself. I am fusing the two parts of me together that had to split for me to survive. The person that is saying ‘No’ is the little girl inside of me that has started to speak and […]

womens health

Curiosity saved My Life

I didn’t want to change, but my body had enough of the unnecessary punishment and one day it decided not move off the couch. It boycotted my life, and said a final NO to me. I guess you can say […]

womens health

Rewiring my Body

I am in the midst of rewiring my whole body, so it is not attracted to things that will hurt it. It is a journey back to myself and learning that the love I fought so hard to get was […]

womens health

Taking the Plunge

The past can’t touch me now. It is over, and I am helping my body understand that. When my body is in the moment, my brain can’t keep me trapped in my hurt because there is no hurt in the […]

womens health

Healing my Body, Healing my Soul

The present moment is the only place that I can truly feel Love I used to look at my body from the outside in. How I appeared to others was more important than how I felt inside. I would starve […]

womens health

My Second Chance

It does not escape my consciousness how lucky I am to live the rest of my life being the mom, friend, lover and person that I always wanted to be, and be around people that reflect my love back to […]

womens health

I don’t feel sad anymore

I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t handle the pain of not being seen and loved. I felt like I was inadequate because I would cry hysterically or get angry in reaction to someone treating […]

womens health

When the Impossible, becomes Possible!

I was putting myself out there, but the difference this time was that the people around me saw my strength and determination rather than my faults and weaknesses. Since the beginning of this year, my focus has been yoga and […]

womens health

Being the ‘One’

I am going to focus not on finding the ‘One’, but being the ‘One’. I am going to follow the love that comes my way with an open heart and kindness for however long it lasts. So, this will be […]

womens health

The Rest is still Unwritten

I was stressed at work, stressed in my marriage and my daughter who was the one bright light in my life, was preparing to go off to college. I felt lost and empty. I stopped and asked the ocean, ‘Is […]

womens health

She is my Mother

She is my mother, and I only have one! I miss her. I miss her every day. As crazy as that sounds, it is the truth. I hope that she found some happiness in her life, even if I wasn’t […]

womens health

Our journey chooses us

Some people call me brave for leaving my marriage and starting a new life, but for me I had no alternative. I didn’t see taking this journey as a choice, I saw it as the only way. Some mornings I […]

womens health

The Way Out

I am sharing my story because I feel compelled to help others out of the lonely place where I once lived. When I left my marriage I was running away from pain. I was in so much pain, I couldn’t […]

womens health

I Deserve Love

It is Saturday morning, the end of my third week of getting up at 5AM and practicing meditation and yoga before I start my finance job. I have heard that it takes 21 days to make something a habit, and […]

womens health

It didn’t start with me

These last 2 weeks have been some really hard internal work for me. Normally when I feel this uncomfortable in my body I push myself to workout incessantly. But I haven’t done that this time. I have been sticking with […]

womens health

Open to Love

It is Valentine’s Day, and it is the first time in over 20 years that I don’t have a Valentine. By that I mean in the traditional sense of a man being my Valentine. This time last year I had […]

womens health

Being my own Best Friend

I thought that ‘being present’ would be kind of second nature once I started doing it, but it isn’t. It is hard work to be in the present moment. Because in the present moment I have new emotions that I […]

womens health

Lust is a Survival Emotion

Since I have been home for almost a year, one would think that I have processed all the hurt from my divorce, and that I am ready to move forward in my life. But the truth is, while I have […]

womens health

Owning My Power!

It’s raining today. I am sitting on my bed with the window open and I can feel and smell the cool, fresh air. I can hear the sound of the raindrops on the palm trees, street and parked cars. It […]

womens health

My relationship with Me

When I wake up every morning my ‘to-do’ list is there waiting for me. And I am not talking about a list written on a piece of paper, or in my planner. I am talking about my ‘to-do’ list in […]

womens health

My Journey to the Present

This year I have decided to learn more about meditation and put it into practice in my life. The reason I want to do this is that sometimes my thoughts race about the past and the future, and it puts […]

womens health

I am not crazy!

So, it is 2021. The crazy, tumultuous, deadly 2020 is officially over! When I look through photos of myself over the past year, I see a woman who was pushing through her feelings of sadness and putting herself out there […]

womens health

All I want for Christmas…

It is almost the end of 2020. A year I will never forget. The year that life as I once knew it, changed forever. And I am not just talking about the pandemic. This year I decided to change everything […]

womens health

Getting to the other side

I left a toxic relationship a year ago, and just like when I was drinking alcohol and stopped, it is taking a while for my body to recover and adjust to a new normal. I have come to realize that […]

womens health

I am Addicted.

So, I stopped drinking alcohol almost 5 years ago. Was I addicted? I don’t know. All I know is that I am shy by nature, introverted, and I prefer one on one deep conversations to being in big groups. So, […]

womens health

Now What?

OK, so now what? We are in the midst of the second lockdown due to Covid-19 in LA County. When I walk to Riviera Village in Redondo Beach for my evening dog walk there are no longer couples and friends […]

womens health

Stay home for the Holidays

This is the first Thanksgiving in history that we have been told to stay away from our families. Do not gather, do not mingle, do not share in person, is the message we are receiving. Such an opposite message from […]

womens health

My body doesn’t lie

My divorce was final in April and I was excited to be legally free, even though we parted ways last November, this was the official end to our union. It is good to have my own life, and set my […]

writing

I am Home

I cried, well no, I sobbed hysterically as my husband drove me to the airport a year ago today. Because I knew our marriage was over. I knew that he wouldn’t join me in Southern California as we had talked […]

writing

My journey to 4000 Friends!

4 is my lucky number. This week I reached 4000 followers on Instagram. I normally don’t post about reaching milestone numbers of followers, but this is special to me. The 4000 coincides with me being in Los Angeles a year, […]

writing

Attraction isn’t logical

This week I cried tears of frustration. I am frustrated with my body for being attracted to men that are wrong for me. My type is good looking, tall, emotionally unavailable but sexually very available. Haven’t I learned my lesson […]

writing

Learning to value me

I took Thursday and Friday off work, not because I had any big vacation plans but because I have only taken 3 days off my finance job this whole year. My perspective is skewed because I have been working from […]

writing

Shame dies in the light

So I am sitting on my balcony across the street from the beach with the sun rising and a cool breeze, but I still feel warm. Last night I went out in shorts and a tank top and I wasn’t […]

writing

The space between

Lately I have been feeling anxious. I feel like I want to grab on to something to ground and stabilize me. I am single and living alone. Sometimes I walk around my apartment and talk to the walls so I […]

writing

Everything will be ok

I was sitting at the outside patio of HT Grill in S Redondo Beach with some friends drinking my decaf coffee. The waitress was getting ready to leave for the evening as it was late, but even through her mask […]

writing

Never is a hard word

Relationships change slowly over a long period of time, and then action is taken that makes a break up look like a hasty decision. Last October was the last month I was together with my Ex-husband. We were both contemplating […]

writing

Life will never be the same

The fall is my favorite time of year. Maybe it is the excitement of school starting again, football season, and cooler days. I always get a burst of energy in the fall. This fall will be different, not only because […]

writing

My baby

I knew from a young age that I wanted to have a family. I knew that I wanted to be a mom. There was never a doubt in my mind that’s what I wanted. There were times I wondered if […]

writing

No one but me

This is my first summer living in Los Angeles. It is hot! And what I wasn’t expecting was the humidity. I am never one to stay indoors on the weekends but yesterday afternoon after I went in the pool to […]

writing

My mother’s gift

My emotional changes are like waves sweeping into shore and then out again. Some days I barely think about my past life of being married and living in Portland Oregon. Other days I feel nostalgic and sad and I can’t […]

writing

It’s hard, but I am grateful

How I felt yesterday, is not how I feel today. I feel like my wants, needs, and desires change from moment to moment. It is a slow unwinding of years of pushing for something that wasn’t right for me, letting […]

writing

My journey to a dog walk

I woke up this morning to fog and drizzle. I always write my blog on my balcony and I debated about staying inside when I saw the fog. But I put a blanket in my Adirondack chair, made some hot […]

writing

A year ago, I changed my life

It was a year ago, only a year. July 25th 2019, was my first art show. I announced in May on Instagram, to my friends, to my family and to anyone that would listen that I was having an art […]

writing

I am my art

It is mid-July, all the stores, hair salons, restaurants, and most everything else shut their doors in Los Angeles due to the pandemic in mid-March. That was 4 months ago. I was scheduled to do my art show, ‘Begin Again’ […]

writing

I took a chance

So a month or so ago the lockdown was starting to lift. Restaurants and bars started to open, stores opened their doors and once again put welcome signs out on the sidewalk, nail salons and hair dressers opened their doors […]

writing

My Independence

It is July 4th weekend. Independence Day. Our country is so young compared to European countries, we are really just a baby going through growing pains. I recognize how fortunate I am to be a woman in America. I am […]

writing

I have faith

So, I received an email from RAW Artists that they don’t know when they will start having their shows again. This is the organization that scouted me on Instagram last October when I was moving to Los Angeles and asked […]

writing

I am ready

So, today I am getting a puppy. I have wanted a french bulldog for years, and now I am finally getting one. He is due to arrive at my house around 1:00 today. Even though I have wanted one for […]

writing

I am guilty

So I think I have been guilty of what I tell other people not to do. I am focussing on what I don’t have, instead of what I do have. I am so fortunate to be in this beautiful setting […]

writing

I am transformed

Life is not meant to be static. I was not meant to be the same person from the time I was born until I die. Experiences shape and change me, my choices change me; sometimes for the good, sometimes not. […]

writing

I forgive

Sometimes I don’t realize how far I have come until I talk about the past. I love my life now. I love everything about it. I have created a life that speaks to my soul, and a life where I […]

writing

I am Beautiful

I am changed. Events change people, and this quarantine has changed me. I didn’t think I had it in me to change anymore than I already have this past year, but I guess I did. I moved to Los Angeles […]

writing

I Found Peace

I think I am going to miss quarantine. There is something about the simple silence that speaks to me. As I sit out on my balcony writing this blog at 6:30AM I can hear the ocean waves, the birds chirping, […]

writing

My New Normal

In 2 days it will be 2 months since I have worked in the office. At the beginning of March our manager called us into the conference room and handed out key fobs so that we could work from home. […]

writing

I had the power all along

So this week I received an email that my divorce has been finalized. I am no longer married. I am divorced, single, available, whatever the term is for someone who is no longer legally bound to someone else. It has […]

writing

The Universe Needs Me

So, normally when I am done painting for the day I put my paints back in their buckets, clean up the palettes, and wash the brushes. I had been working on 2 paintings when the pandemic started, and I immediately […]

writing

Why?

I am an artist, so you would think since I am staying home now I would be really productive and getting a lot of painting done.  The truth is, I have 2 unfinished paintings that have been staring at me […]

writing

‘Feel’ is not a 4 letter word.

I used to put on my shorts and tank top and walk across the street from my house to the beach in the evening. I would walk in the waves and see how far out I could go without getting […]

writing

Alone Time

In November of last year, I left my home in Portland Oregon. When we first moved into that house, I cried because I loved it so much. We had lived in a 1950 ranch house before, and this house was […]

writing

Sober Reality

Today is March 28th, 2020. Four years ago today I made the decision and the choice to stop drinking alcohol. I became Sober! Why? There is not one clear answer to that question. Up until that point, I had used […]

writing

Home Alone!

Last time that I went to get my hair blown out at Drybar I complained that they didn’t get my curls exactly right. I like my bangs to swoop with no curl, and then medium size curls on the sides […]

writing

Fear is a Choice

I took the day off work yesterday. I felt like I needed to catch my breathe. Between the stock market volatility and the virus, and preparing for my art show and my divorce, I was feeling overwhelmed. I needed just […]

writing

Don’t Panic!

I am not panicking. My screen is red and I click the minimize button so I don’t have to see the market going down. The market doesn’t like uncertainty, and the coronavirus is an uncertain entity. But, I have been […]

writing

No Regrets

Did I waste my time? That seems like it is always the question when leaving a marriage, especially after 20 or more years. Everything ends at one point or another, so if I say that I wasted my time doing […]

writing

Living in the Gray Area

So, I think my coffee cream went bad. Is it supposed to be like whipping cream? I could walk down to the convenience store that is half a block from my home and grab some fresh cream, but I don’t […]

writing

New Beginnings are Black and White

So here I go, RAW Artists – Natural Born Artists asked me to come back and be a part of their Premiere Show in downtown Los Angeles on March 18th. It’s a Wednesday. I will have to work at my […]

writing

I want more!

I attended a Masterclass yesterday about diving deep into what is blocking me from going to the next level. Part of the reason I moved to Los Angeles is to reach a bigger audience with my art and writing, and […]

writing

The Privilege of Choice

Last week was hard. It started out on an eerie cloudy Sunday. They weren’t just clouds though, it was a thick impenetrable wall of white surrounding the city. I went for a walk on the beach that morning and the […]

writing

It is up to me what happens next

Today I turn in my Oregon driver’s license for a California one. Another part of my past falling away from me. I feel like a snake shedding its skin, layer after layer of the person I used to be is […]

writing

My Best Decision

2017 was a year of discovery and information gathering for me. I attended networking events, showed up at a variety of Meet Ups, and went to dozens of book readings. I didn’t even know what I was looking for, but […]

writing

Time does not heal everything

What mends a broken heart? If time was the answer then all broken hearts would be mended eventually, but some people never heal their hearts. So, I don’t think its time alone. My broken heart is about the past, of […]

writing

Something New

I did something different this New Year’s Eve. I knew I wanted to do something to celebrate all my changes in 2019, and bring in 2020 with a commitment to more changes, so I googled New Year’s Eve workshops in […]

writing

Healing me

Healing takes time. I noticed that I am going in waves. Some days I wake up and I feel like I am 25 years old, and I jump out of bed and can’t get down to the beach fast enough […]

writing

My Queen unveiled

I finally took my large Queen painting out of the box that she was transported in from Oregon to Redondo Beach and hung her up this weekend. I am not sure why it took me so long to do that. […]

writing

I Lived

Monday was a sad day for me. I gave the keys to my home for the last 13 years to someone else. I will never walk down those stairs in the morning to my cats greeting me. I will never […]

writing

I have become

I began this year by asking my Instagram friends what their word for the year was, and then drawing an illustration of them with that word. I ran a contest, and whoever commented on the Instagram post, received an illustration […]

writing

Healing myself is a gift

I am in a transition. I believe I did my job as a mother because my daughter is self sufficient and has her own life at 21 years old. She will graduate college soon and start her journey of finding […]

writing

Reinforce me

I lived in the Marina District in San Francisco in my 20’s. I moved there a few years after a massive earthquake devastated it. The earthquake knocked buildings off their foundations, created massive craters in the streets, and caused fires […]

writing

My Turbulent Flight

“You are now free to move about the cabin” , we have all heard this saying when we fly. In other words until you hear that ding in the airplane, don’t get out of your seat because you might fall […]

writing

My space

I woke up this morning to an orange sky and palm trees blowing gently in the wind outside my bedroom window.  I sat up and just stared at it for a good 10 minutes.  I was in a trance.  Am […]

writing

Place is important

‘Place is important!’, the organizer confirmed as I shared with the ladies in the midlife group how Redondo Beach, California had a pull for me. I joined this group 3 years ago in hopes of gaining some clarity on the […]