I can’t change the past and the choices I made, or the thoughts that I had about myself, but I can embrace the joy that has been with me all along. Somewhere along the way I decided that I wasn’t […]
There are people who are waiting for me to be a part of their journey, and when I meet them they are going to welcome me with open arms and say, ‘Where have you been?!’ I felt unattractive and unwanted […]
Last week my daughter came to live with me. After almost 2 years of living in Southern California alone, I am no longer alone. She is the last piece in the first part of my journey. Her coming here marks […]
If you had asked me on that day two years ago when I boarded the plane alone for a one way trip from Portland to LAX in hysterics if I thought my daughter would move here, I would have hoped […]
It is not selfish for me to do the things that feel aligned with my true self. This is who I am, and I can’t be anyone else without faking it. I am sitting on my bed looking out my […]
Now my daughter joins my journey in Southern California and starts her own. I am so excited to see what this next chapter of both our lives will look like. But as long as we can lay in the sun […]
I was never meant to have the perfect childhood, and I wasn’t meant to hide in my marriage. I was meant to write and tell the story of my family who hid their whole lives, and died with their secrets. […]
I am healing myself. I am fusing the two parts of me together that had to split for me to survive. The person that is saying ‘No’ is the little girl inside of me that has started to speak and […]
I didn’t want to change, but my body had enough of the unnecessary punishment and one day it decided not move off the couch. It boycotted my life, and said a final NO to me. I guess you can say […]
I am in the midst of rewiring my whole body, so it is not attracted to things that will hurt it. It is a journey back to myself and learning that the love I fought so hard to get was […]
The past can’t touch me now. It is over, and I am helping my body understand that. When my body is in the moment, my brain can’t keep me trapped in my hurt because there is no hurt in the […]
The present moment is the only place that I can truly feel Love I used to look at my body from the outside in. How I appeared to others was more important than how I felt inside. I would starve […]
It does not escape my consciousness how lucky I am to live the rest of my life being the mom, friend, lover and person that I always wanted to be, and be around people that reflect my love back to […]
I felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t handle the pain of not being seen and loved. I felt like I was inadequate because I would cry hysterically or get angry in reaction to someone treating […]
I was putting myself out there, but the difference this time was that the people around me saw my strength and determination rather than my faults and weaknesses. Since the beginning of this year, my focus has been yoga and […]
I am going to focus not on finding the ‘One’, but being the ‘One’. I am going to follow the love that comes my way with an open heart and kindness for however long it lasts. So, this will be […]
I am slowly changing from the awkward, self-conscious and hurried woman that I was just a few short months ago into a woman who closes her eyes in yoga poses and forgets there are other people in the room. “This […]
I was stressed at work, stressed in my marriage and my daughter who was the one bright light in my life, was preparing to go off to college. I felt lost and empty. I stopped and asked the ocean, ‘Is […]
Why would someone announce over and over that they never take their wedding ring off to their spouse? ‘I never take this off!’ He would say as he showed his hand to me, as if I had asked if he […]
It is one thing to be empathetic, but another to not feel my own feelings and instead try and feel someone else’s. So, in individualizing myself I am feeling all the pain that I never allowed myself to feel. It […]
She is my mother, and I only have one! I miss her. I miss her every day. As crazy as that sounds, it is the truth. I hope that she found some happiness in her life, even if I wasn’t […]
Some people call me brave for leaving my marriage and starting a new life, but for me I had no alternative. I didn’t see taking this journey as a choice, I saw it as the only way. Some mornings I […]
My body wants to tell me its story but can’t express it in words. So, I don’t have to understand why it wants me to cry, because it is a cry from long ago before I had the capability to […]
I don’t have to feel dirty just because someone brought their dirt to me. It is not mine to take. Confidence happens over time. It isn’t like I can read a book or have an experience and suddenly I am […]
The struggle within me to change and fix myself manifested into relationships where I was trying to fix the other person. So, I am working on being kinder to myself and creating a safe space of acceptance within me, for […]
On Friday I was the only one to show up to the 4:00 Yoga on the Beach class. As I walked up I saw the petite french instructor stretching on her mat in the sand with the ocean waves glistening […]
Everything that I thought was going to be, is not going to be. It is going to be something different, not better or worse, but different. And I owe it to myself, and the people that I meet to be […]
I am sharing my story because I feel compelled to help others out of the lonely place where I once lived. When I left my marriage I was running away from pain. I was in so much pain, I couldn’t […]
It is Saturday morning, the end of my third week of getting up at 5AM and practicing meditation and yoga before I start my finance job. I have heard that it takes 21 days to make something a habit, and […]
These last 2 weeks have been some really hard internal work for me. Normally when I feel this uncomfortable in my body I push myself to workout incessantly. But I haven’t done that this time. I have been sticking with […]
It is Valentine’s Day, and it is the first time in over 20 years that I don’t have a Valentine. By that I mean in the traditional sense of a man being my Valentine. This time last year I had […]
I thought that ‘being present’ would be kind of second nature once I started doing it, but it isn’t. It is hard work to be in the present moment. Because in the present moment I have new emotions that I […]
Since I have been home for almost a year, one would think that I have processed all the hurt from my divorce, and that I am ready to move forward in my life. But the truth is, while I have […]
It’s raining today. I am sitting on my bed with the window open and I can feel and smell the cool, fresh air. I can hear the sound of the raindrops on the palm trees, street and parked cars. It […]
When I wake up every morning my ‘to-do’ list is there waiting for me. And I am not talking about a list written on a piece of paper, or in my planner. I am talking about my ‘to-do’ list in […]
This year I have decided to learn more about meditation and put it into practice in my life. The reason I want to do this is that sometimes my thoughts race about the past and the future, and it puts […]
So, it is 2021. The crazy, tumultuous, deadly 2020 is officially over! When I look through photos of myself over the past year, I see a woman who was pushing through her feelings of sadness and putting herself out there […]
It is almost the end of 2020. A year I will never forget. The year that life as I once knew it, changed forever. And I am not just talking about the pandemic. This year I decided to change everything […]
I left a toxic relationship a year ago, and just like when I was drinking alcohol and stopped, it is taking a while for my body to recover and adjust to a new normal. I have come to realize that […]
So, I stopped drinking alcohol almost 5 years ago. Was I addicted? I don’t know. All I know is that I am shy by nature, introverted, and I prefer one on one deep conversations to being in big groups. So, […]
OK, so now what? We are in the midst of the second lockdown due to Covid-19 in LA County. When I walk to Riviera Village in Redondo Beach for my evening dog walk there are no longer couples and friends […]
This is the first Thanksgiving in history that we have been told to stay away from our families. Do not gather, do not mingle, do not share in person, is the message we are receiving. Such an opposite message from […]
My divorce was final in April and I was excited to be legally free, even though we parted ways last November, this was the official end to our union. It is good to have my own life, and set my […]
I used to drink a lot some nights. Usually when I was confused and uncomfortable. I was very shy as a child, and even through high school. I was awkward, so I didn’t talk that much. And when I did […]
Has my body ever really been my own? Has my body ever really been my own? I mean really mine! Has there ever been a time that I could do whatever I wanted with it and not fear other people’s […]
This is my personal blog (since 2018) where I publish a post weekly so that you can follow my journey to finding my voice, creating boundaries, and ending toxic entanglements in midlife. In the last 6 years I have changed everything about myself, and I have a completely different life that speaks to my authentic self.
My first love is my writing, but through my writing I rediscovered my artistic side and over the last several years I have sold my original art, and pre-covid I did art shows.
My first art show ‘The Queens – Awakening the Feminine Energy within’ was on July 25, 2019 at Nucleus Gallery in Portland Oregon.
My second art show “LA Queens – the beautiful women of LA’ was on September 21st in Santa Monica.
My 3rd art show was December 18th in Downtown LA. I was invited to be a part of the RAW – Natural Born Artists show.
Due to the pandemic my Art Shows are on pause.