It is one thing to be empathetic, but another to not feel my own feelings and instead try and feel someone else’s. So, in individualizing myself I am feeling all the pain that I never allowed myself to feel. It […]
My body wants to tell me its story but can’t express it in words. So, I don’t have to understand why it wants me to cry, because it is a cry from long ago before I had the capability to […]
I don’t have to feel dirty just because someone brought their dirt to me. It is not mine to take. Confidence happens over time. It isn’t like I can read a book or have an experience and suddenly I am […]
I developed coping skills which made me the person that I used to be, and for a long time I thought those skills actually were my personality I had a dream last night that I moved into a beautiful new […]
The struggle within me to change and fix myself manifested into relationships where I was trying to fix the other person. So, I am working on being kinder to myself and creating a safe space of acceptance within me, for […]
I see how my own actions and energy attracted exactly what I didn’t want to attract. I don’t have to run away anymore. I don’t have to stuff all my emotions down so that I can’t feel them in order […]
I used to drink a lot some nights. Usually when I was confused and uncomfortable. I was very shy as a child, and even through high school. I was awkward, so I didn’t talk that much. And when I did […]
I notice as my dreams slowly start to become reality there is a part of me that wants to slow everything down. I start to turn apathetic, and devalue my accomplishments. No one is telling me to slow down, I […]
Do I deserve all the love I have in my life right now? My body feels anxious and I have to focus to keep my mind from looking for danger. My mind always looks for danger, threatening situations, and hurtful […]
2018! Where did the year go? I have been reflecting a lot about where I was at the beginning of this year. I know I was in a completely different place. But where? I was scared for sure! Every new […]
Last week was hard. I had conflicting emotions and my inner dialogue would not be quiet. I felt like there was a parrot in my head repeating all my conversations back to me. I felt like I was starting to […]
I can’t choose what life throws at me, but I can choose how I respond to it. No one can get into my head and tell me how to feel or how to act. Even though sometimes it feels like […]
I know the most important thing is that I matter to myself, but I want to matter to other people. I want to have a voice and an opinion that is heard. If I speak and no one cares or […]
I sat on the bed in the hotel room and stared at the Apple laptop I had just purchased. I tapped on some random keys to try and make something happen. Where is the Microsoft Word and Excel? I have […]
Is it possible that I felt love as a child at the same time I was trying to survive? How can that be? What I can tell you is that I felt what I thought was love for my mother. […]
So, it’s my sister’s 60th birthday today, and I sent her a card and texted her and wished her the best. I am not attending a huge birthday bash with all my siblings and friends tonight to honor my sister […]
When my life first started to unravel I decided the answer was to move to Redondo Beach which is close to Los Angeles. I had lived there until I was 7 years old and hadn’t been back. But when my […]
So I have learned an important lesson this week that maybe I should have learned a long time ago, and that is that forgiveness is about me. I always thought forgiveness meant that I was forgiving someone else for their […]
I have to be honest. I had a rough week. I started this blog on the premise of telling my story and sometimes my story is just shitty. I honestly don’t want to write about this, but if I were to […]
Am I damaged? I used to think that I was, at the very core of me damaged or bad. And I used to use all my energy to hide my damage to others. I wanted to appear normal and fit […]
Does anyone care that I am a nerd now? That I went from happy hours to book readings, margaritas to tea. That I went from late nights, to being excited to go to bed early so that I can get […]
I am scared of rejection. I like being liked and approved of, especially from those I care about. So, in writing about my childhood I am scared that my brothers and sisters will reject me. I am scared that they […]
I was born old. I am the youngest girl of 6 children and was I born with a strong will. My family used to say I was 5 going on 40. At a young age I tried to understand my […]
I want to be loved and I want to be desired. These are two opposing dynamics within me. To me, being loved is for someone to ‘get’ me, to see me when I am spinning out of control in my […]
Ok, so I admit it, I am obsessed. I can’t stop drawing and writing, and when I am not drawing and writing I am thinking about it. If someone is talking to me I am thinking about how I can […]
So, about 4 years ago I was crazed, or maybe just partly crazy. I was doing college visits with my daughter at UCLA and other Southern California colleges. We rented a white dodge charger and we drove around in the […]
So, I had this week off my financial job for spring break and my daughter and I flew to Los Angeles at the beginning of the week and had a wonderful time in the LA sun surrounded by beautiful beaches […]
This is my personal blog (since 2018) where I publish a post weekly so that you can follow my journey to finding my voice, creating boundaries, and ending toxic entanglements in midlife. In the last 6 years I have changed everything about myself, and I have a completely different life that speaks to my authentic self.
My first love is my writing, but through my writing I rediscovered my artistic side and over the last several years I have sold my original art, and pre-covid I did art shows.
My first art show ‘The Queens – Awakening the Feminine Energy within’ was on July 25, 2019 at Nucleus Gallery in Portland Oregon.
My second art show “LA Queens – the beautiful women of LA’ was on September 21st in Santa Monica.
My 3rd art show was December 18th in Downtown LA. I was invited to be a part of the RAW – Natural Born Artists show.
Due to the pandemic my Art Shows are on pause.