Why would someone announce over and over that they never take their wedding ring off to their spouse? ‘I never take this off!’ He would say as he showed his hand to me, as if I had asked if he […]
It is one thing to be empathetic, but another to not feel my own feelings and instead try and feel someone else’s. So, in individualizing myself I am feeling all the pain that I never allowed myself to feel. It […]
My body wants to tell me its story but can’t express it in words. So, I don’t have to understand why it wants me to cry, because it is a cry from long ago before I had the capability to […]
I don’t have to feel dirty just because someone brought their dirt to me. It is not mine to take. Confidence happens over time. It isn’t like I can read a book or have an experience and suddenly I am […]
I developed coping skills which made me the person that I used to be, and for a long time I thought those skills actually were my personality I had a dream last night that I moved into a beautiful new […]
The struggle within me to change and fix myself manifested into relationships where I was trying to fix the other person. So, I am working on being kinder to myself and creating a safe space of acceptance within me, for […]
On Friday I was the only one to show up to the 4:00 Yoga on the Beach class. As I walked up I saw the petite french instructor stretching on her mat in the sand with the ocean waves glistening […]
I see how my own actions and energy attracted exactly what I didn’t want to attract. I don’t have to run away anymore. I don’t have to stuff all my emotions down so that I can’t feel them in order […]
This morning I woke up to rain and wind at the beach, I was cold and I wanted to drink my coffee indoors with a blanket wrapped around me. But my doggy had other ideas and wanted to go for […]
I notice as my dreams slowly start to become reality there is a part of me that wants to slow everything down. I start to turn apathetic, and devalue my accomplishments. No one is telling me to slow down, I […]
Do I deserve all the love I have in my life right now? My body feels anxious and I have to focus to keep my mind from looking for danger. My mind always looks for danger, threatening situations, and hurtful […]
I believe that people come into our lives for a reason. I am attracted to some people immediately just by being in their presence. That is how it was with Kathlyn and me. As soon as I met her, I […]
2018! Where did the year go? I have been reflecting a lot about where I was at the beginning of this year. I know I was in a completely different place. But where? I was scared for sure! Every new […]
This time last year I joined a midlife women’s group in search of some answers to my dissatisfaction with life. I was sure that other women my age were struggling too, so I was surprised to find the group only […]
I can’t choose what life throws at me, but I can choose how I respond to it. No one can get into my head and tell me how to feel or how to act. Even though sometimes it feels like […]
I know the most important thing is that I matter to myself, but I want to matter to other people. I want to have a voice and an opinion that is heard. If I speak and no one cares or […]
My house is quiet. A quietness I would have been so grateful for when my daughter was a baby. I never got quiet unless by some miracle she took a nap, I got all the tidying up done, was able […]
Sometimes I feel like I just want to fail at something, so I set up a challenge and then purposely break my own rules so that I can feel bad about myself. I recently set up one of these challenges […]
When my life first started to unravel I decided the answer was to move to Redondo Beach which is close to Los Angeles. I had lived there until I was 7 years old and hadn’t been back. But when my […]
What made me start this journey, and how do I know when I am where I want to be? I started about 4 years ago when I felt like I was spinning my wheels. I felt that so much of […]
So yeah, I had a girl crush. She came into my life when I was weak. I had just got demoted from my management position to a staff position which destroyed my self esteem. I had sunk all my time […]
So I have learned an important lesson this week that maybe I should have learned a long time ago, and that is that forgiveness is about me. I always thought forgiveness meant that I was forgiving someone else for their […]
Well, it happened, and I knew it would one day. My worlds collided with one statement from a coworker, ‘Peta, I saw your Instagram account, nice detailed drawings’. I froze and stared at him and all I could say was, […]
Am I damaged? I used to think that I was, at the very core of me damaged or bad. And I used to use all my energy to hide my damage to others. I wanted to appear normal and fit […]
Does anyone care that I am a nerd now? That I went from happy hours to book readings, margaritas to tea. That I went from late nights, to being excited to go to bed early so that I can get […]
I am scared of rejection. I like being liked and approved of, especially from those I care about. So, in writing about my childhood I am scared that my brothers and sisters will reject me. I am scared that they […]
I want to be loved and I want to be desired. These are two opposing dynamics within me. To me, being loved is for someone to ‘get’ me, to see me when I am spinning out of control in my […]
My daughter just turned 20, and I am trying my best to give her good advice and point her in the right direction. It’s a fine line to walk between letting go and wanting her not to be hurt. But […]
So, about 4 years ago I was crazed, or maybe just partly crazy. I was doing college visits with my daughter at UCLA and other Southern California colleges. We rented a white dodge charger and we drove around in the […]
So, a week ago I bought drawing pencils, paint and paper to tap into my creative side. Mid week I went back to the art supply store to get more pens, colored pencils and paper because I got on a […]
So, I had this week off my financial job for spring break and my daughter and I flew to Los Angeles at the beginning of the week and had a wonderful time in the LA sun surrounded by beautiful beaches […]
So, I saw Lisa Vanderpump last night at SUR restaurant in Los Angeles. For those of you who don’t watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she is the queen of the show. When I saw her come in the back […]
I hear the phrase all the time, “just be yourself”, as if after years of hiding myself and creating a persona to navigate the world, it will all of a sudden fall away like a snake shedding its skin and […]
So, on Instagram today @girl_unfiltered asked the question of how celebrity nude selfies effect young women’s self-esteem. So, I asked my 19 year old daughter this question as she was getting ready to go out with friends. “What?” […]
So, I was supposed to go to a writing retreat at the beach this weekend. A month ago it sounded really good and interesting and as it got closer I thought of what it would mean to spend Friday through […]
I am an empty nester. What does that mean? My nest is empty? I guess I didn’t realize I was living in a nest, but okay. What I do know is that my daughter is a sophomore in college living […]
Being a woman today is complicated. But life is complicated. I think men and women are equally confused as to what is acceptable and proper nowadays. Some men have been brought up in households that they were taught they […]
2017 was a transition year 2017 was a transition year. It was a year of letting go of a long time relationship that wasn’t working anymore. I spent many sleepless nights last year going over and over our […]
Why should you be reading this? Why should you be reading this? I don’t claim to be a fantastic writer, but I do have something to say. I want to change the way we talk to each other about women […]
This is my personal blog (since 2018) where I publish a post weekly so that you can follow my journey to finding my voice, creating boundaries, and ending toxic entanglements in midlife. In the last 6 years I have changed everything about myself, and I have a completely different life that speaks to my authentic self.
My first love is my writing, but through my writing I rediscovered my artistic side and over the last several years I have sold my original art, and pre-covid I did art shows.
My first art show ‘The Queens – Awakening the Feminine Energy within’ was on July 25, 2019 at Nucleus Gallery in Portland Oregon.
My second art show “LA Queens – the beautiful women of LA’ was on September 21st in Santa Monica.
My 3rd art show was December 18th in Downtown LA. I was invited to be a part of the RAW – Natural Born Artists show.
Due to the pandemic my Art Shows are on pause.