This year is no different than any other year. I still have my history, my faults, my stubbornness and my tendency to withdraw into my own world. Except this year it is worse. It is worse because I can’t use […]
I notice as my dreams slowly start to become reality there is a part of me that wants to slow everything down. I start to turn apathetic, and devalue my accomplishments. No one is telling me to slow down, I […]
Do I deserve all the love I have in my life right now? My body feels anxious and I have to focus to keep my mind from looking for danger. My mind always looks for danger, threatening situations, and hurtful […]
Last week was hard. I had conflicting emotions and my inner dialogue would not be quiet. I felt like there was a parrot in my head repeating all my conversations back to me. I felt like I was starting to […]
Has my body ever really been my own? Has my body ever really been my own? I mean really mine! Has there ever been a time that I could do whatever I wanted with it and not fear other people’s […]
I used to make fun of people that didn’t drink I used to make fun of people that didn’t drink. We used to have friends that would come over to our house and drink diet cokes all night and my […]
I have given up everything. No alcohol, no toxic relationships, no negative self talk. These were my addictions. These addictions were predictable and safe. They had a definite pattern. The pattern started out with me feeling vaguely unworthy and out of […]
I used to have anxiety about my anxiety. My mind would just keep going in circles thinking about my life. Why didn’t I do that? Why am I doing this? Did I make the best choice? I was working, talking […]
I can’t choose what life throws at me, but I can choose how I respond to it. No one can get into my head and tell me how to feel or how to act. Even though sometimes it feels like […]
I know the most important thing is that I matter to myself, but I want to matter to other people. I want to have a voice and an opinion that is heard. If I speak and no one cares or […]
Sometimes I feel like I just want to fail at something, so I set up a challenge and then purposely break my own rules so that I can feel bad about myself. I recently set up one of these challenges […]
So, it’s my sister’s 60th birthday today, and I sent her a card and texted her and wished her the best. I am not attending a huge birthday bash with all my siblings and friends tonight to honor my sister […]
As I walked to the photography studio, my stomach had butterflies and I felt a little nauseous. Why was I so anxious? I searched my mind for the cause of my anxiety. Everything had been going well so there was […]
What made me start this journey, and how do I know when I am where I want to be? I started about 4 years ago when I felt like I was spinning my wheels. I felt that so much of […]
So yeah, I had a girl crush. She came into my life when I was weak. I had just got demoted from my management position to a staff position which destroyed my self esteem. I had sunk all my time […]
So I have learned an important lesson this week that maybe I should have learned a long time ago, and that is that forgiveness is about me. I always thought forgiveness meant that I was forgiving someone else for their […]
I have to be honest. I had a rough week. I started this blog on the premise of telling my story and sometimes my story is just shitty. I honestly don’t want to write about this, but if I were to […]
Oh, did you know that I have all the answers. If you are having difficulties I can listen, be there and make you feel better. I am loyal, and I will use all my energy to help you change your […]
Well, it happened, and I knew it would one day. My worlds collided with one statement from a coworker, ‘Peta, I saw your Instagram account, nice detailed drawings’. I froze and stared at him and all I could say was, […]
Am I damaged? I used to think that I was, at the very core of me damaged or bad. And I used to use all my energy to hide my damage to others. I wanted to appear normal and fit […]
I am scared of rejection. I like being liked and approved of, especially from those I care about. So, in writing about my childhood I am scared that my brothers and sisters will reject me. I am scared that they […]
I was born old. I am the youngest girl of 6 children and was I born with a strong will. My family used to say I was 5 going on 40. At a young age I tried to understand my […]
I want to be loved and I want to be desired. These are two opposing dynamics within me. To me, being loved is for someone to ‘get’ me, to see me when I am spinning out of control in my […]
So, I always hear the term “find yourself”, and I wonder what that means. I know that I feel like I am on a journey to find the real me, but I am sitting right here so how far do […]
My daughter just turned 20, and I am trying my best to give her good advice and point her in the right direction. It’s a fine line to walk between letting go and wanting her not to be hurt. But […]
Ok, so I admit it, I am obsessed. I can’t stop drawing and writing, and when I am not drawing and writing I am thinking about it. If someone is talking to me I am thinking about how I can […]
So, about 4 years ago I was crazed, or maybe just partly crazy. I was doing college visits with my daughter at UCLA and other Southern California colleges. We rented a white dodge charger and we drove around in the […]
So, a week ago I bought drawing pencils, paint and paper to tap into my creative side. Mid week I went back to the art supply store to get more pens, colored pencils and paper because I got on a […]
So, I saw Lisa Vanderpump last night at SUR restaurant in Los Angeles. For those of you who don’t watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, she is the queen of the show. When I saw her come in the back […]
I hear the phrase all the time, “just be yourself”, as if after years of hiding myself and creating a persona to navigate the world, it will all of a sudden fall away like a snake shedding its skin and […]
