My Independence

It is July 4th weekend. Independence Day. Our country is so young compared to European countries, we are really just a baby going through growing pains. I recognize how fortunate I am to be a woman in America. I am glad that my parents immigrated to America from England so that I could be born here and have all the rights and privileges of an American citizen. Especially now as a single woman, I feel that I have so many opportunities at my fingertips here in Los Angeles.

Nothing is perfect. Governments aren’t perfect; the people that run them and their citizens are not perfect. But,I can only view society from my perspective. I can’t pretend that I can know the pains of another race, gender or a person in another economic class. I only know the world from the perspective of a middle class white female who grew up in California.

And I am grateful every single day to wake up to the sound of the ocean across the street from me. I am grateful that I can type these words and publish them on the internet, and you can read them and no one will stop me from doing this. I am grateful that I have the time and desire to work on my art, and that you are interested in seeing my creations and sometimes buying them. I am grateful for Instagram and all of my 3700 followers, that cheer me on every single day. I feel your energy and your positive vibes and you have changed my life! And, I am also grateful for all the relationships in my past that did not work out, but that showed me what I really wanted, and more than that, showed me what I needed to grow and be happier.

Relationships are important. Not just romantic relationships, but all friendships and interactions with others. Sometimes seeing myself in others eyes is hard because I can see parts of me that I don’t like and that I need to work on. Other times it is amazing, because I can see my beauty and all my accomplishments reflected back to me in other eyes. I feel fortunate that I have access to people that can help me to grow and change and be a better person, and give my message a stronger voice.

My message will always be to highlight the resilience and power of female energy. I believe our society is currently lacking this precious energy. We can change the people in power, we can get angry, we can point fingers, but until we change the intention and energy behind our words and actions, we will always come back to the same place. We have been here before; anger and dominance solves nothing.

This July 4th the beaches were closed again, but I found it peaceful. I am fortunate enough to be able to walk to the beach, so the parking lots being closed meant less people and less noise for me. I watched as some people walked beyond the barricade down to the vast empty parking lots. There was a group of young pretty girls laughing and taking selfies of each other. There was a family teaching their toddler to ride a bike. There were couples walking hand in hand and looking down at the ocean. Some people brought their lunch to the esplanade and sat on the low wall and ate and watched the waves. Everyone looked peaceful and relaxed.

As I walked back from the beach to my home with my little puppy in my backpack I smiled and felt happy. I felt happy just to be able to make the choices I have made, and create the life that I have created. I spent the weekend creating new art and playing with my puppy. For me, that is a weekend well spent. All the things that I have thought about over the last few years are now a reality. Living at the beach, creating art, writing this blog, having a french bulldog puppy named Franki, are all things that I imagined for years, and are now my life. I had the power to make these choices all along, but I just didn’t see it. I choose and say YES to my life right now, and so I am grateful every single morning I wake up.

I have come so far from the days of drinking and eating too much over holiday weekends. I feel my body cringe at remembering the sickening hangover the next day. And my heart feels sad remembering how I would spend the whole next day beating myself up over silly arguments I used to have with people simply because the alcohol took over my brain. I am so glad that I am not that person anymore. But even as I cringe at remembering the old me, I am grateful for all of the people that knew me then, and helped me change. You were my teachers whether you realized it or not. I was confused, lost and angry. But most of all I was frustrated because I couldn’t get out of my own way. I was trying to change everything and everyone around me instead of checking in with myself. What I was putting out into the world I was getting back, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t realize I was creating my own world of negativity.

That is why now, no matter what is happening around me I try and be grateful and put positive energy into the world. There is always something to be grateful for, like being healthy and alive and able to choose my state of mind. There are so many people that don’t have this, and I am blessed that I do.

As the pandemic continues, and the political climate gets heated, I will continue to live each day with gratitude and love for others. Because I do believe that is at the heart of feminine energy and that is what the world needs right now. Hate produces more hate, pointing fingers only has others pointing right back at me, and seeing people as groups rather than individuals gets us nowhere as we have already learned from our history.

As corny as it sounds, I do believe everything happens for a reason and we can be grateful for this shift in our society and look inwards and put out healing, positive energy or we can be angry and put out negative vibes. We always have the power to do one or the other. It is up to us.

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  1. Thanks for sharing your journey, this is the first time that I have read your blog. I find that your concept of changing your life very interesting. At the moment I find myself frustrated with events which I have no control. I’m going to start looking into blogs and reading more,on the concepts of position energy.
    I found this blog from your Instagram and find your new little friend delightful. I will leave my name and email and I will definitely start reading your blogs
    Danny Felan from Texas

    1. Hi Danny, thanks for taking the time to read my blog. I am glad that you are getting something out of it and it is possibly helping you to ease your frustrations with current events. I appreciate it, and thanks for the support! Peta