I have faith

So, I received an email from RAW Artists that they don’t know when they will start having their shows again. This is the organization that scouted me on Instagram last October when I was moving to Los Angeles and asked me to be a part of their Christmas show on December 18th. At first I thought it was a spam email, because I get so many either asking if I want to sell my art, gain followers, or some other marketing idea that I can sign up and pay for. But something about their email made me want to reach out. When I talked to them, they said they saw what I did at my own art shows and they wanted me to do the same at their show. There was no catch, they liked my art and presentation style and wanted me to become a RAW artist.

So at 7pm on December 18th, just 6 weeks after moving to LA, I showed and sold my art in downtown Los Angeles. The RAW Art Show included other visual artists like me, but also music, a runway show, make up artists and performance art. It was a club-like atmosphere with 3 full bars, and 21 and over only. I smiled during the whole experience. I got to meet the other artists a few weeks before the show, I had an art manager that helped me through the whole process, and I was given invaluable marketing and display ideas. Friends came from miles away to support me. I was on a high during the whole show and for weeks after.

It went so well, RAW artists invited me to come back and be a part of their spring art show on March 18th, but due to the pandemic it was postponed. Now I don’t know when it will happen. So, I am an artist with a need to show her art, and no way to physically show it.

In April and May I hardly created any art. I just didn’t feel it. I worked from home at my finance job, worked out, went for long walks. My creative side took a break as I became obsessed with working out and my physical body. I decided to create a home work out and I did it religiously every day. Then every evening like clockwork I went on a 6-7 mile walk along the ocean. Half way through my walk I had a place that I would stop on the cliffs that overlook the ocean and I would stare down at the waves hitting the rocks and rest before I turned around. I went to Walgreens and bought hair conditioner and mud face masks, and would apply them throughout the day. I learned how to do my own nails, my own hair, and started buying body scrubs and taking a lot of baths to restore my skin. I felt like I wasn’t doing anything creatively, but maybe this was a time of taking care of my physical body and all it had been through the past several years. It felt good to not wear make up, and not worry about how I looked. I found myself sleeping more, and dreaming more.

In June I started creating again. I painted 5 green women that appeared to be submerged in water. I didn’t even know until after I created them that green is a color of renewal, and water represents cleansing. My eye was attracted to green, and my women came out looking a little like mermaids. I really ‘feel’ these paintings, even though they are so different from the stiff power Queens I was creating before the pandemic.

I am in a state of trying new things and see where they lead me. So, speaking of trying new things, since I am home so much I decided to get the french bulldog puppy I have wanted for over 5 years. I kept putting it off, thinking that I don’t have time to care for a puppy. But the truth is, I will never really have spare time. If it is something that I want, then I have to commit to spend my time a little differently. So,I got him. I woke up one morning, and said to myself, ‘It’s time!’ He arrived last Saturday and I named him Franki. I created a Instagram account and a website for him @myguyfranki. I am going to start a blog about how he changes me.

Where is this all leading you might ask? The truth is, I don’t know. But what I have learned since I started my self discovery journey over 5 years ago is to trust the process. Things might not make sense right away, but eventually they do.

So, I will patiently wait for RAW Artists to reopen and start their shows again. I am really looking forward to that. But in the meantime, I am going to explore the new art that I am creating, and explore my writing through sharing how my little french bulldog pup Franki changes me. I know my submerged green women that I am creating, and my blog about a pup will connect up somewhere and make sense together, but I don’t know where yet. I am trusting the process of creation and letting myself go places that don’t make sense right now.

I am a different person from the woman that received that email last October to be a part of an Art Show in Los Angeles. That person had no idea what the future held. She was changing everything about her life. I remember just 8 months ago having emotional swings of being completely elated and joyful, and then on the other side of the spectrum, waking up some mornings in a panic wondering what the hell I was doing with my life.

But I made it through that, and it has given me confidence to trust myself, even when things are foggy and I can’t see clearly the direction I am going. I have learned to put one foot in front of the other and faith in the universe, and myself.

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  1. Once again reading your blog, I find that you ,dreaming very fascinating. Especially having pleasant dreams. I believe that dreams are a way to be creative and find peace with in yourself.
    I have yet to reach that goal. I find myself not having enough sleep ,which keeps me from dreaming. But the nights I do sleep I tend to dream. I will research on way attaining that goal. Peace ,and positive vibes.

    1. Thanks for the comment Danny. Peace and positive vibes to you also. Sleep is very important, I feel like if I don’t sleep well it changes my whole outlook on things. Take care! Peta