My space

I woke up this morning to an orange sky and palm trees blowing gently in the wind outside my bedroom window.  I sat up and just stared at it for a good 10 minutes.  I was in a trance.  Am I really here living in Redondo Beach, or am I still dreaming?  When I used to visit this area from Portland I always stayed at the same hotel, where they have a very small balcony in their rooms. I used to drag the desk chair out to the balcony in the morning so I could drink my coffee out there and stare at the palm trees and the sky in the morning. My heart would be happy looking out over the palm trees, houses, and the beautiful morning sky.  This is certainly paradise, I would think.  There is something about it that calmed me, and made me feel present.  I would look at the houses and think that the people that lived in them must be happy every day to be here.  At that time, I never dreamed that I would actually be one of those people. 

I guess you could say I manifested it.  I definitely thought about it a lot, if that is what manifesting is.  But more than a thought it was a feeling.  I knew that this is where I belonged, and I knew it without any real facts to back me up.  I just knew my life needed to be here, and I had to find a way to make it happen.  I didn’t ask for much from the universe, just a small space to sleep and create, and some money to pay my bills.  It answered me by giving me the opportunity to transfer with my finance job to this area. In looking for places to live, I chose location over space, and rented a studio apartment across the street from the beach.  I felt the universe winking at me as it threw in a 3 month free rent deal. 

Maybe as a 54-year-old woman I am not supposed to be living in a studio by the beach, maybe I am supposed to have a large house to show that I have accumulated things over my time on this earth.  But the thought of getting anything bigger than this just made me feel tired.  I am ready to downsize and live simpler.  My place is completely remodeled and the maintenance person that came in to fix my window shade said that my unit has the most windows of any unit in the complex.  I have views of the ocean on one side and palm trees on the other.  To me, it is perfect and it makes me smile every time I come home.

Yesterday, my desk arrived in 3 separate boxes on my porch.  I have had my own apartments in San Francisco, Denver, and then in Portland with my husband before we bought our house.  I used to assemble things all the time, but I got lazy.  I would always pay extra for someone to come to do for me.  But I didn’t this time.  So, I dragged the 3 boxes in my apartment and got to work.  At first, I felt like crying because I was tired and the instructions were confusing.  But I put some music on and slowly started to lay out the pieces to create my desk and bookshelf combination. I laid out the pieces on the floor that were labeled with letters and numbers, and with my electric screwdriver that I bought years before when I used to assemble things, I slowly put it together.  After a while I started to feel calm as I became completely absorbed in making it all work.  When I finished assembling it,  I sat at my new desk and kissed it.  Here is where I will create.  It is perfect!  

I have been here a week so far, and I am finally used to the sound of cars driving by.  Last night was the first night I didn’t sleep with my headphones on.  My commute to work is an easy 15 minutes, and my new coworkers are engaging and friendly.  Some of my new clients are celebrities, but people are so used to that around here that no one makes a big deal of it.  I have not ventured out of what people here call the ‘South Bay’ so far, which is the beach area of Redondo, Hermosa and Manhattan beaches, and one of my coworkers said that she never leaves this area.  She said it is a little bubble of happiness, and I told her that I couldn’t agree more. 

I lived in the next town over from where I am living now until I was 7 years old, so I only remember bits and pieces of being here.  I hadn’t thought about this area for years, until 5 years ago I brought my daughter here for college tours.  So, why do I feel like I have come home?  I have to keep reminding myself that I live here and I am not just visiting. I also remind myself to be grateful every morning as I never want to forget this blessing that I have been given to live here and explore my creative side.

Years ago, I asked the universe for time, space and more love in my life.  It gave me what I asked for but just not in the way I thought it was going to happen. This journey has taught me to be open to the ‘how’ of getting what I want. Letting my future unfold rather than trying to control it was scary at first, but after a while it all starts to make sense. I get it now. I get why I didn’t get what I wanted the ‘way’ I wanted it. The universe was leading me where I needed to go, I just had to let go and let it happen.  

I have also been blessed with my first art show in Los Angeles on December 18th.  An organization called RAW artists found my Instagram account and reached out to me to participate in their show which includes performance art, a runway show, musical entertainment and other artists like me. Really? Was all I could think when they wanted to set up a conference call to go over the details. 

I will take it! I will embrace it all, and I will be grateful for everything and never forget the opportunities that are being given to me right now.  I know now that they were there the whole time, I just had to get out of my own way so I could see them. 

When I used to visit here, I saw my life here.  I felt like spiritually I was already here I just had to find a way to get my body to meet up with my spirit.  I finally did find a way, and I have so much respect and gratitude for my determination.  I am excited about the future, and I am grateful for all of you that have cheered me on every single step of the way.  I feel you, I appreciate you, I couldn’t have done it without you!

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